Earlier this week, on World Suicide Prevention Day, I opened up and shared my own story for the first time. In that post I briefly mentioned my uncle’s suicide three years ago and how it affected my mother’s health. Well today I decided to elaborate a bit on that..
The relationship between my mother and uncle was one of dependence, but I don’t think she realized until after he was gone that it wasn’t as one-sided as it seemed. Honestly, he often took advantage of her and even told her on many occasions that she was his new mom and had to take care of him. Sometimes it seemed like a joke, but it wasn’t. In return, she really felt like she had to take care of him, which looked like enabling to everyone else. After his death, she felt like it was her fault, that she had failed and she could have (or should have) talked him out of it. Essentially, she made herself sick over it. She has an auto-immune disease that the doctors told her was either caused by cancer (which it isn’t) or stress and that her immune system is attacking itself. It’s strange how giving yourself a mental beating can lead to your own body attacking itself. Anyway, she is gradually getting better, taking less medication and is in a better mental state. Whether she still blames herself, I can’t really say. She still mentions him a lot, surrounds herself with reminders of him and wears his ring every day. Which brings me to the significance of this post and today’s photo…
This photo is now about two years old and was taken when Love is Louder was first formed. This is after I convinced her to let me write on her hand and take pictures. It’s actually one of my favourite love is louder shots to this day, and I have taken quite a few now. I think that you can really tell that she’s been through a lot, even though the photo only shows the back of her hand. It’s tough, the lighting is slightly harsh and it even includes the ring. Maybe I think so, because I’ve seen her through the struggle, but I think the traits that I see in this photo could easily be seen by someone who knows nothing about her (except maybe the ring part). In this shot, I see the aftermath of suicide.
What do you see in this photo?